Teenage Girls

Teenage girls

smell like sweet perfume and sweat in the summer

they talk fast about absolutely everything and absolutely

nothing

sometimes at the same exact time

They hold their pasts at a safe distance behind them

and their futures tight to their chests

They face forward with clear unwavering eyes

the face of a girl hurt but not broken

They smile like sunrises

and can build entire worlds in their sleep

They can talk you up

or tear you down

their words cut far too deep

They are angels and devils and sour and sweet

They are everything this universe has to offer

but they are just

teenage girls

 

Predictability

Unpredictable

People always want the unpredictable

They want love to strike them like lightening bolts

on a hot sunny day in July

They want to trip and fall into the hands

of their new best friend

who will take them on adventures and show them

how cute and quirky poetry slams in back alleys can be

They want to find twenty dollar bills on side walks

and have opportunities jump into their laps so they can pick and choose as they please

They want God himself to show them just how unpredictable life can be

but the minute the thought enters your brain it is no longer the chance encounter you dreamt of

but a predictable moment you set up for yourself

you with your own will power and willingness to take risks

you who walked up to that boy and asked him out first

you who went into that dark ally to listen to strangers spill their hearts onto the cement in the form of words

you who scanned the ground to find what you wanted

you thought it up and made it happen

screw unpredictable

It is when you predict your happiness and success

dream of it

crave it

go for it

that you find exactly what you were looking for

 

birthday

I am 19 years old today

the sky is gray and cloudy

my mind is unusually clear

I am not alone

birthday wishes flood my phone

for the first time all year, I feel loved

I feel important

I feel like a human being

beautiful and unstoppable

and for the first time, as I think

of my past and look at my present and walk into my futures arms

I think to myself

“this isn’t so bad.”

for the first time, I am truly grateful

I am truly blessed

It is on my 19th birthday

that I decide to become myself

 

Break-up. First Draft

When it is time for the break-up you feel it in your heart first

and your brain second

and your mouth third

as the words try to spill out over afternoon lunch

and you gulp it down fast with your mouth full of coffee

they are both bitter

your mind is screaming at you to pull the trigger

but you don’t want to be a murderer

you don’t want to be the monster who kills in cold blood

and so your heart tries to let you out of this guilt easy

lets you feel that this is the right thing

that you are setting them free, being honest, saving what remains of this relationship

by destroying it

before you know it, hours pass, and they are happy you invited them out

and as they lean in for a kiss

your heart, brain, and mouth all work together

an unbeatable team

and the words you wanted to say with the precision of darts making their mark

instead come out like a bag of marbles crashing onto tile floors

Let’s. Break. Up.

In that instant you feel panic and relief

they are wide eyed and confused

and you wonder how they could miss something so obvious

you can see every ‘I Love You’ twisting in their heads

as they but question marks on their ends

you let them cry, you let them scream

and then you leave

you wonder to yourself how many more times you’ll have to do this

you wonder when someone will do this to you

but at the end of it all

you mostly feel empty

and that’s the end of the break-up